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.Turbo
08-29-2007, 01:39 PM
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No Rule

The dark alley of quietness and seldom disruption runs between the loudness of the city,
Beneath the pollution-purple sky stands a figure, a silhouette, of a troubled being,
The aura of stillness and no-sound is broken when the man's feet clang against the metal ladder,
Thoughts rush in and out his mind, *too much to handle*, he must escape this; *i must get out*,
The sound= wind and sirens which penetrate his head, like a sharp, loud noise,
Behind him stands his former self, a head-strong male with aspirations, the shadow disappears as he walks beneath a roof-top light,
Two tears seep from the tired eyes and a glint of light shows hope,
Then he proceeds the the edge of the roof-top *no more pain*;
The figure contemplates, makes up his mind, jumps. *free from emotion*

But the gun shoots, his family is dead; the gunman is tackled by the figure and is shot;
The man walks into an dark alley.
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Handbagstory
08-29-2007, 01:40 PM
Pretty nice actually. Easy to read.
Nicely written, only the sentences are a bit long.

Wrighteous
09-19-2007, 07:45 PM
pretty good imagery here primer... work on flow though, some of these lines should be less wordy, or all should be the same

SaIRoS
09-19-2007, 08:25 PM
i like the detailed description of the man, very nice

flymo
09-20-2007, 03:17 AM
Love the imagry used here.

douf
09-21-2007, 12:15 AM
sounded like a line from Sin City or some comic, but pretty hardcore indeed